Saturday, June 18, 2005
Re:
Disclaimer: This is a highly opinionated piece intended to make a point and may not necessarily embody the full extent of the author's views. Readers should take it with a pinch of salt.
To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I am responding.
I am still physically in Singapore, but I'm quite certain my heart is not here, or if it ever was, has left some time ago.
Is that supposed to bother me? I know some people who actively try to make this an issue. Apparently there are quite a few here who think it is an issue, otherwise no one would bother to include in discourse such things as fare hikes and casinos and Dr. Chee Soon Juan and why Singaporean society has so many problems and is so inadequate etc.
People have asked me why I want so much to leave. The honest truth is: I don't know. It could have been a combination of the factors mentioned by the people above. What I do know is that because my heart isn't here, I can't care about or feel for anything that happens here. "But you grew up here," they assert. "Why don't you feel any sense of home, of belonging?"
Well, I have always had the feeling I don't belong here. When I went to secondary school, my fees were much higher than everybody else's, even though I went to a private independent school. My family doesn't enjoy subsidies of any type. We cannot buy property directly from the government. When the HDB wanted to upgrade the lift in my block, we have to pay 90% more than everyone else, and we didn't even have the say in the matter, because PRs are not allowed to vote, even if it was just for the say in upgrading a lift in the block we live in. Some say PRs are second-class citizens, I say there's no difference between us and foreigners, except for that little document that states you are allowed to live here permanently, but even that has to be renewed every 10 years, subject to factors like your income.
"Well, if you don't like being a PR," people ask, "why don't you apply for citizenship?" Well, I can't do it because I'm not of legal age yet. "Why don't you ask you father to apply?" Well, my mother tried to, but they refused her application, because apparently she doesn't earn enough to be "eligible". Even though she has lived and worked here for the past 30 years, and has apparently made enough to own a house and send her son to college in America.
But the strange thing is that even though I don't enjoy all the "benefits", I have to serve in the military like every other male citizen. At the end though, they dangle the carrot of "citizenship", maybe just to make me feel good about it.
Ironically, now that I am officially a Singaporean citizen, something which I once dreamt about being, I feel no desire to be one. The good thing about it, I think, is that when the time is right for me to leave for another country, I'll be more welcome if I say I'm from Singapore than from Malaysia.
"Still", people say, "the sense of home is more than a status. Won't you miss anything in Singapore?" Well, I guess I'll miss some of the food, and the safety and stability, and of course my family and friends. However, I do not think that these are necessarily the things that tie you to a place, that make you want to make somewhere your home. In any case, at this point I'm really irritated. It might be where I "come from", but I know Singapore is not where I want to make my home. There's no need for any explanation.
Frankly, I am puzzled why there is an inherent need to justify why you want to leave. There is simply no need to explain to anyone, or try to persuade them to see your point of view, because it matters more to the people who are asking you that question -- it means there seems to be something wrong with the society they are living in. You can simply ignore them and carry on with your business. The only reason you might want to acquiesce them is that you still consider yourself part of that society, and still hope you can have a better life in it. In that case, don't be hypocritical and deceive yourself. Many cynics whine because they refuse to do anything to improve their lives other than complain about it, giving the excuse that nothing will change no matter what. (That said, I step off the pedestal of moral high ground and state, for the record, that people have the freedom to choose the type of life they wish to live. And there really is no good or bad about it, as long as they are comfortable and satisfied with it.)
Right now, if you ask me what I think about the casino issue, I say it means I have somewhere new to go when I visit Singapore again. If you ask me about the fare hikes, I empathise and say too bad for everyone. If you ask me about free speech, I roll my eyes. If you still don't get the hint and ask me what I think of one-party democracy, depending on my mood, you could either get a shrug or a sucker punch.
Looks like I've been, and still am, an outsider. No wonder I don't feel like home.
Author's Note:
Regardless of everything I've said above, nothing will change the fact that I think Singapore is a great place to live in. It's clean, it's orderly, it's politically stable and it's relatively safe, from some of the worst of both humanity and mother nature. Many people, from both the wealthier and more impoverished countries, have come to proudly make Singapore their home. It is a young nation of only 40 years, and I think despite the cosmopolitan feel the city exudes (4 million people is a large city by world standards, and more so when you compare to some of the traditional cities in the West), there is a small-town vibe within the tiny nation. This is what I will remember about Singapore, and everyone -- patriots, stayers, quitters, immigrants, tourists, the world -- would do well to remember. As I get ready to depart, I inadvertently keep in mind that there's a reason for the adage: "The grass is always greener on the other side."
To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I am responding.
I am still physically in Singapore, but I'm quite certain my heart is not here, or if it ever was, has left some time ago.
Is that supposed to bother me? I know some people who actively try to make this an issue. Apparently there are quite a few here who think it is an issue, otherwise no one would bother to include in discourse such things as fare hikes and casinos and Dr. Chee Soon Juan and why Singaporean society has so many problems and is so inadequate etc.
People have asked me why I want so much to leave. The honest truth is: I don't know. It could have been a combination of the factors mentioned by the people above. What I do know is that because my heart isn't here, I can't care about or feel for anything that happens here. "But you grew up here," they assert. "Why don't you feel any sense of home, of belonging?"
Well, I have always had the feeling I don't belong here. When I went to secondary school, my fees were much higher than everybody else's, even though I went to a private independent school. My family doesn't enjoy subsidies of any type. We cannot buy property directly from the government. When the HDB wanted to upgrade the lift in my block, we have to pay 90% more than everyone else, and we didn't even have the say in the matter, because PRs are not allowed to vote, even if it was just for the say in upgrading a lift in the block we live in. Some say PRs are second-class citizens, I say there's no difference between us and foreigners, except for that little document that states you are allowed to live here permanently, but even that has to be renewed every 10 years, subject to factors like your income.
"Well, if you don't like being a PR," people ask, "why don't you apply for citizenship?" Well, I can't do it because I'm not of legal age yet. "Why don't you ask you father to apply?" Well, my mother tried to, but they refused her application, because apparently she doesn't earn enough to be "eligible". Even though she has lived and worked here for the past 30 years, and has apparently made enough to own a house and send her son to college in America.
But the strange thing is that even though I don't enjoy all the "benefits", I have to serve in the military like every other male citizen. At the end though, they dangle the carrot of "citizenship", maybe just to make me feel good about it.
Ironically, now that I am officially a Singaporean citizen, something which I once dreamt about being, I feel no desire to be one. The good thing about it, I think, is that when the time is right for me to leave for another country, I'll be more welcome if I say I'm from Singapore than from Malaysia.
"Still", people say, "the sense of home is more than a status. Won't you miss anything in Singapore?" Well, I guess I'll miss some of the food, and the safety and stability, and of course my family and friends. However, I do not think that these are necessarily the things that tie you to a place, that make you want to make somewhere your home. In any case, at this point I'm really irritated. It might be where I "come from", but I know Singapore is not where I want to make my home. There's no need for any explanation.
Frankly, I am puzzled why there is an inherent need to justify why you want to leave. There is simply no need to explain to anyone, or try to persuade them to see your point of view, because it matters more to the people who are asking you that question -- it means there seems to be something wrong with the society they are living in. You can simply ignore them and carry on with your business. The only reason you might want to acquiesce them is that you still consider yourself part of that society, and still hope you can have a better life in it. In that case, don't be hypocritical and deceive yourself. Many cynics whine because they refuse to do anything to improve their lives other than complain about it, giving the excuse that nothing will change no matter what. (That said, I step off the pedestal of moral high ground and state, for the record, that people have the freedom to choose the type of life they wish to live. And there really is no good or bad about it, as long as they are comfortable and satisfied with it.)
Right now, if you ask me what I think about the casino issue, I say it means I have somewhere new to go when I visit Singapore again. If you ask me about the fare hikes, I empathise and say too bad for everyone. If you ask me about free speech, I roll my eyes. If you still don't get the hint and ask me what I think of one-party democracy, depending on my mood, you could either get a shrug or a sucker punch.
Looks like I've been, and still am, an outsider. No wonder I don't feel like home.
Author's Note:
Regardless of everything I've said above, nothing will change the fact that I think Singapore is a great place to live in. It's clean, it's orderly, it's politically stable and it's relatively safe, from some of the worst of both humanity and mother nature. Many people, from both the wealthier and more impoverished countries, have come to proudly make Singapore their home. It is a young nation of only 40 years, and I think despite the cosmopolitan feel the city exudes (4 million people is a large city by world standards, and more so when you compare to some of the traditional cities in the West), there is a small-town vibe within the tiny nation. This is what I will remember about Singapore, and everyone -- patriots, stayers, quitters, immigrants, tourists, the world -- would do well to remember. As I get ready to depart, I inadvertently keep in mind that there's a reason for the adage: "The grass is always greener on the other side."
# posted by Jeff @ 6:05 AM 
Comments:
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because sometimes the people who ask you the question care about you and want to know why you're not staying with them.
but that's fine, you have every right to ignore them if after repeated explanation they still don't get you=p
but that's fine, you have every right to ignore them if after repeated explanation they still don't get you=p
Well let's just say that I wish to project the view that where one lives and stays is no obstacle to factors like love and friendship. If you are intent on keeping that relationship, you will find a way no matter where you are in the world. I think everyone should adopt this view too!
What I am trying to point out is that I think there are more "Quitters" making leaving an issue than the "Stayers" who should be more concerned about this problem. It's as if there's some innate grudge these "Quitters" have against the "Stayers" that they go all out to prove to them the point that they are leaving because their place sucks.
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What I am trying to point out is that I think there are more "Quitters" making leaving an issue than the "Stayers" who should be more concerned about this problem. It's as if there's some innate grudge these "Quitters" have against the "Stayers" that they go all out to prove to them the point that they are leaving because their place sucks.
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